Skeleton Keys, Chapter 4.4

My eyes slowly opened some time later.  Some loose grains of sand fell from my eyelashes and hair as I sat up.  The others were gathered around me; the magic carpet was under me, acting as a sleeping mat.  The moon was once again hanging over my head, and a blanket of stars accompanied its pale light in the night sky.  Apparently I had been asleep longer than I thought.

“You okay, Michael?” Goofy asked.

I vigorously shook the remaining sand out of my hair and replied, “Yeah, yeah.  I was just a little tired, is all.  What did I miss?”

“We’re back at the Cave of Wonders, for a start,” Donald answered, pointing behind me.  I turned to where he pointed, and, sure enough, the tiger head of sand loomed over us with jaws open wide.

“We just got here, so it’s not like you missed much,” added Jack.

I groggily stood up, turning to the Cave of Wonders’ entrance.  “Let’s not waste any more time,” I groaned, drawing my sword and groggily wandering towards it.

“Yeah, let’s go rescue Jasmine.”  Aladdin stood up and followed me but with more tact to his step.  Abu climbed up onto his shoulder as he stepped into the cave entrance behind me.  Where the monkey was during our last two encounters I’ll never know.

Donald, Jack, and Goofy followed us into the rebuilt spiraling corridor.  Apparently Jafar had rebuilt the cave’s interior while we were away.  Still we aired on the side of caution; who knew what traps Jafar had installed with the refortifications.

…

The vizier stood at the pinnacle of the lamp’s pedestal, Jasmine in tow.  The lamp was stuffed into his waist sash with Genie hovering in the open around him.  Iago stood on the lamp’s pedestal, his talons tapping on a slip of paper.

“Now, Princess,” Jafar growled, “let us try this again.  I tried being nice and hospitable, but apparently that doesn’t work on a spoiled brat like you.  Sign over control of Agrabah to me, or I’ll throw you off of this pedestal!”

“Never,” shouted Jasmine.  “Agrabah will never be yours!”

Jafar only grinned.  “That’s what you think, but you will sign the treaty!”  The eyes of his serpentine staff started to glow a vibrant red.  Jafar held it up so the snake was staring straight into her eyes.  Jasmine’s brown pair started to glow the same shade as her body went loose.  Jafar’s grin spread wider, as did Iago’s.

A pen appeared in Jafar’s hand.  “Now be a good girl and sign.”  He handed her the pen.

“Yes, sign Agrabah… over to… Jafar…”  Her voice was just as loose as her body.

All of a sudden, a bolt of lightning came down right on the head of the serpentine staff.  The cobra’s head shattered, leaving only a golden rod in Jafar’s hand.  Jasmine reeled for a second, holding her head, and dropped the pen into the waters below.  A fireball flew between the two of them, catching Jafar’s treaty on fire.  Iago flew off and alighted on Jafar’s shoulder before his red plumage turned black.

Jafar was furious.  “Who dares to interfere with me?” he thundered.

“The likes of us,” I bellowed back.  The others fell into formation behind me; their weapons were drawn and readied for action.

“You!  I thought that my Heartless Lord would stop you!”

I sniggered and replied, “You thought wrong.  Surrender now or we’re kicking your fancy pansy ass!”

“I’m afraid you will have to catch us both!” Jafar shouted.  He seized the lamp from his belt and turned to Genie.  “Slave, I call for my second wish!  Make me a duplicate of myself!”

“Genie, no!” Aladdin pleaded.

“Sorry, Al,” replied Genie with a shrug and a drop of his eyes, “but the one with the lamp calls the shots.”  He held one of his hands over his eyes as he pointed a finger on his other hand at Jafar.  Iago saw what was coming next and took off into the air.  Sure enough, a magic bolt shot from Genie’s finger and hit Jafar in the chest.  The magic didn’t seem to pierce him or hurt him in the slightest.  Instead, blue smoke billowed from where the spell hit.  This curtain of fog covered Jafar and hid him from view.  A grotesque squelch like the sound of an arm being ripped from its socket rang out and echoed off of the cave walls.  More sounds like dismemberment and other nauseating sounds met our ears as well as a scream or two; whatever was going on in there we didn’t want to see.  Jasmine ran down to us to escape the nocturne of torture, retreating to Aladdin’s arms.  

“That’s pleasant,” I groaned.  “It sounds like he’s being torn in half.”  Donald, Goofy, and Aladdin agreed with a nod and sickened expressions.  Jack replied with a smile and an enthusiastic nod.

The fog dissipated as the racket died down.  We expected to see what we saw at that time, but it still came as a shock.  Two Jafars stood on the top of the pedestal instead of one!  They looked a little jetlagged, though; their ordeal must have been a little mentally strenuous.  They also looked at each other and said, “What a handsome man you are!”

“Self-centered pansy,” I muttered with a look thrown over my shoulder.

“Now you are doomed!” shouted Jafar-in-stereo.  “Tremble before our combined might!”

“Oh my god,” I cried in mock terror, “someone save us from the overdressed toothpicks that couldn’t charm their way out of their own turbans!”

The rage in Jafar’s eyes was mirrored indefinitely between him and his clone (although it was near impossible to tell which was which).  “How dare you address the Royal Vizier of Agrabah in such a manner as that, you impudent brat!  I’ll teach you to respect me!”  The two of them held up a hand and called upon a force of darkness into each hand.  They reached out as if to grab me, but instead of doing so they fired their darkness at me.  It was a nice play, but it wasn’t like I hadn’t seen anything like it before.

The others gave me a wide berth as I readied myself to intercept the midnight missiles.  I held my sword in a defensive position from my left hand, my other hand (the one with the dark mark) held out to catch it barehanded.  The first one was easily deflected, even with my non-dominant hand; but the other one was a little harder to handle.  The real Jafar must have thrown that one.  It had some power behind it, but it was quickly subdued.

A groan from my stomach reminded me of my hunger.  I looked at the dark blob in my hand.  It wasn’t exactly my first choice as an entrée, but beggars can’t be choosers.  While being as discreet as possible, I chomped down on the dark matter in my hand.  Like I figured, it wasn’t extraneously delicious; but it wasn’t disgusting, either.  It was tasteless, but sustaining at the same time.  I threw the rest of it to the ground, where it evaporated into nothing.

I stifled a burp, being in the presence of royalty, and faced the fired vizier.  ‘Wait a minute, weren’t there two before?’

I voiced this concern, and they replied, saying, “One of the Jafars vanished in a puff of smoke while those dark magic spheres distracted you.”

I turned again to the Jafar before us.  Iago had perched on his shoulder.  He was laughing about something and holding the lamp above his head.  “Genie, I do not have enough power.  Turn me and my clone into the two most powerful genies in the world!!”

The lot of us staggered back in shock.  Where had he gotten that idea?  We looked on in horror as Genie fulfilled the psychotic wish.  He threw a cloud into the heights of the cavern, a black thundercloud darker than the shadows.  The moonlight was blocked by this cloud, leaving with only the light that Genie radiated to illuminate it.  

Jack looked around, marveling at the atmosphere.  “Wonderful, what suspense!  I can’t wait for what happens next.”

He didn’t have to wait long.  A thunderbolt came down from the ceiling and struck Jafar.  At first he screamed, but them he relaxed.  In fact he even smiled.  A twisted grin spread his lips, and soon a piercing shriek of laughter pierced the air.  He lifted up off of the ground, a red aura beginning to form.  His eyes went blank but shone as if painted gold.  His skin reddened as if the aura was staining him.  Only his black clothes were affected; they dissolved off of his skin, only leaving his red sash.  Before anything was exposed, though, his body began to augment.  His legs became gaseous and wispy, like Genie’s lower half.  Instead of deteriorating, his torso became more muscular, much more muscular.  A topknot spouted from the back of his head.  During the course of his transformation, his body increased to a size twice as big as Genie.  His cackle deepened to match his new size.  When the transformation was complete, a pair of golden cuffs appeared on his wrists and a black carbon copy of Genie’s lamp appeared at the tip of his gaseous abdomen.

“Yes!  This power, this is what I want!” shouted Jafar.  He looked at us with his golden-glazed gaze, a venomous grin on his face.  “Now you will fear my wrath!”  His arms reached up towards the ceiling and dug into the rock.  A large sheet was ripped out.  He compressed the rock in his hands, wound up a pitch, and threw the boulder at us!  I wasn’t expecting such a direct and ineffective gambit from him.  We averted to the sides of the rock ledge, safe from harm.  The boulder crashed into the wall and sent an avalanche of rocks crashing over the only exit.  

The dust cleared soon enough, but a harsh light filled the cave in this place.  A massive hole in the center of the cave where the light boiled up from replaced Jafar’s presence.  He was down there, having used the rock to seal us in but cover his escape.

Goofy looked over the edge of the plateau we stood on and into the abyss.  “What should we do?”

“Do you have to ask?  We go down there and kick his butt!”

“Err… actually, genies don’t have butts,” interrupted Genie.  “We have nothing much below the waist, actually.”

I groaned and shouted, “Then we send him to hell!”

Donald joined Goofy in looking over the edge.  “By the looks of things,” he reported, “he’s already there.”

I growled in frustration, my face sinking into my hand.  “Why is it so hard to find witty banter against Arabian adversaries?  Just hop in the hole and defeat him so we can move out of here.”  I looked to Genie and said, “You stay up here and protect Jasmine.  The rest of you,” (I turned to the other four in our group) “you come with me.”

I drew my sword and ran straight for the chasm.  My feet left the safety of the stone, and I descended into the world’s depths.

Below me really was a little slice of hell.  Lava billowed into the chamber; the streams that had nearly killed us before must have diverted here.  Suffocating heat in the form of steam clouded the bottom of the square sub-chamber; the intense heat with less intense light felt good on me.  When the steam lessened, I beheld a square stone platform raised out of the lava sea, an island barren of life for now.  Jafar had expected us coming, just as I had anticipated a fight.  

Speaking of the pansy, I looked around the lava chamber for any trace of our infernal host as I fell.  My freefall vigil was unsuccessful.

I landed on the platform in a roll to avoid taking any recoil, but the others landed on their feet around me.  I took another look around the battlefield.  This island, I realized, was more of a series of smaller square islands crammed together.  I could feel the lava act upon the one I stood upon like a sea-bound ship.  A storm was coming.  

A tower of lava rose out of the sea behind me.  I turned to face it, watching as the magma washed away and Jafar’s mock-up of Genie’s looks leered down upon us.  “So you have chosen to be buried here, have you?” he bellowed.  “Your wish is my command!”  He dug his hands into the lava and produced another sphere of rock, but this one was molten!  He threw it at us with the same force as his previous projectile, and we scattered again to avoid it.  That wasn’t enough this time.  The lava flowed over the stone islands, flowing into the chasms or depressions in the formation.  Our battle just became a lot more interesting.  

With Jafar over lava, we had to use distance attacks.  “Donald, Jack,” I shouted, “launch a couple of Blizzards to cool off this hothead!”

Jack and Donald nodded simultaneously and launched their spells.

Jafar only laughed as their spells came towards him.  He drew back once, disappearing into one of the lava showers.  The two Blizzard spells crashed harmlessly into the lava shield and fizzled away.  The evil genie showed himself again soon after.

“Ice magic has no power here,” Donald whined.  “We need another approach.”

“Indeed.”  With Jafar not in the offensive I was allowed some thinking time.  Fire and Blizzard attacks were useless, and Thunder was unpredictable in these caverns.  Stop was a wildcard spell that I only knew for certain Jack had.  I wasn’t even sure if Jafar would fall for that brand of magic.  Maybe the Ghostly Scream would work…

My eyes scanned the donut ceiling above us.  To my dismay there were no stalactites that could be felled to fell Jafar.  My eyes did catch sight of something in the steam, gently falling through the clouds billowing up out of the room.  At first it was indiscernible, being so high up; but as it descended its features and feathers became clearer.  In Iago’s talons dangled a black object, identified as Jafar’s lamp!  What had Genie been saying about he powers of the lamps…

Jafar’s reappearance shook me from my computations.  He channeled his lava curtain into another sphere and hurled it at us.  If this was his only trick, then we had nothing to fear.  I leapt back to avoid the splash of lava as the others broke to the sides and made their way to higher ground.  I slid slightly on the smooth stone surface, but I hardly gave a hoot; my eyes were back on Iago, the pudgy parrot making his way to Jafar.

Jafar noticed the bird as well, but he regarded him and his burden with apprehension.  “Iago, you featherbrained plume-plucked coxcomb!  Get out of here with that!”

“I can’t!” Iago squawked in reply.  “This thing’s too heavy!”

With a growl rumbling the air as a prelude of anger, Jafar thundered, “Then get out of my way, you lightweight!”  A golden fire blazed and lined his eyes vibrantly enough for any of us to see in the lava-lit room.  This fire shot out in a pair of beams from his eyes, like a twisted version of Superman’s heat vision.  Iago struggled to get out of the way with his load as the fire flew towards us.

“Scatter!” I shouted.  This move was both a defensive maneuver and a learning experience.  If Jafar went after a specific one of us, then he was either trying to pick us off one by one or after something that one of us had.  If his target shifted, then he was only trying to separate us.  

It turns out the former was true.  As I watched Jafar’s heat vision cut a small groove in the place where we were gathered, I watched the stream chase Aladdin down.  His speed was impressive, but it was evenly matched by the blazing laser.

A flash from Aladdin’s pocket alerted me to an unfinished train of thought.  Safe from Jafar’s onslaught for the time being, I searched the smoke for a familiar feathered fiend.  I smiled when I saw where he was; he was right over Jack’s head!  “Jack, Ghostly Scream right above you!”

Jack looked at me confused before throwing his gaze skyward.  Looking up, he understood my call of attack.  He flipped backwards once and called up a spell as soon as his feet hit the floor.  A black circle appeared on the stone under Iago.  The parrot realized that something was up, but it was powerless to follow up on that.  A wave of magic washed up and formed a hemisphere that trapped Iago.  Jack thrust his hand to the ground, and the half-sphere went flat.  The spell disappeared as soon as the hemisphere became a two-dimensional circle.  Dazed, Iago hobbled like a drunkard across the islands.  Jack bent down and picked up the bird’s load.

“Throw it here!” I shouted to him.

Jafar was alerted to my plan by this call.  He cut his laser gaze short and looked to me.  Realizing who I beckoned, he turned on Jack.  Shock overcame him as he shouted, “My lamp!  Give that back to me this instant!”

“Over my dead body,” retorted Jack, glaring at him.  The staring match was even.

“That can be arranged.”  Jafar made his way towards Jack, looming over the battlefield.  He reached out a hand in an attempt to seize Jack.  The Pumpkin King didn’t flee, instead almost allowing himself to be captured.  He soon found himself staring into Jafar’s gilded gaze.

With a grin he answered, “Too late!”  Before Jafar’s eyes in the midst of a hearty cackle, Jack’s skull rolled off of his shoulders.  His other bones dribbled out from Jafar’s fist, his hand bones still clutching the lamp!  He reassembled and redressed himself in mid-air, throwing the lamp out of Jafar’s reach before he hit the ground in a roll.

Donald caught it this time.  Jafar whirled around towards him, floating over as he snarled, “Give me the lamp, you ugly duckling!”

Donald sneered and shouted, You didn’t say ‘please’!”  He threw the lamp away with one hand and launched a Blizzard into Jafar’s face with the wand held in the other.

Jafar cried out in pain, clawing at the large chunk of ice that now covered his goatee and muffled his shouts of rage.  Donald had done an excellent job with this one.  

I turned my eyes from him and towards his lamp.  The thing in my hand was as dark as ebony and cold despite its extended stay down here.  Still, if what Genie had said was true, this was the thing that genies feared the most, whether by losing it or possessing it.  I pointed this one to its owner and shouted, “Jafar!”  He turned to me, still struggling with his ice.  I smiled at the fear apparent in her eyes.  “You’re under my orders now,” I shouted, “and I order you back to your lamp!”

Jafar tore the ice (and about half of his goatee) from his face.  He ignored his pain, instead bellowing, “You don’t command me!  You can’t order me around!”

Jafar’s arm bands flashed once.  “You cannot refuse a demand of darkness,” I coldly remarked, grinning a wicked, toothy grin.  The lamp resonated with the flash of Jafar’s manacles, and the genie’s vaporous tail inched towards his lamp as if seized by a fisher’s line.  He tried to back away, but he had already started to disappear down the lamp’s spout.  He roared in fury and fear, but to no avail.  With a plum of magic covering he entry point, Jafar disappeared into his prison.  

“I will be avenged!” sounded a muffled outcry of anger.

I ignored his empty threat, my attention fixed upon the small keyhole on the side of the lamp.  I felt in my pocket for the ring of keys.  One of them vibrated in my hand; it was the other gold-colored key in the set.  I turned this key in the lamp’s keyhole.  A puff of darkness leaked around the key as a quieting, blood-curdling scream echoed into the nothingness of the lamp’s depths.

Donald, Goofy, Jack, and Aladdin gathered around me as I pocketed the keys.  They looked to the lamp, and Goofy asked, “Is it over?”

I toyed with the lamp, testing any activity within it.  When that proved negative, I threw the thing over my shoulder and into the lava.  “Partially.  Now we just have to get the other one.”

“Other one?” groaned Donald.  “How are we supposed to get to him from here?”

“Leave that to me,” Aladdin offered.  H brought he lamp out of is pocket, the golden lamp, and called out, “Genie, I’m ready for my second wish!”

“Al!  You’re sill alive!”  

Genie’s bright blue hue floated down, holding Jasmine like a baby in his huge hands.  Abu and the magic carpet soared down beside them.  Aladdin must have dropped off the monkey when he came down to attack Jafar.  He scampered up onto Aladdin’s shoulder as Genie set Jasmine down; she instantly ran to Aladdin.  “I worried about you, having to face that two-faced snake.”

“It wasn’t so bad,” Aladdin admitted to console her.  “I had my new friends here to help me.”  He showed her the four of us, since introductions were skipped upon our prior meetings.  As Jasmine’s eyes travelled down our line, Jack bowed as he said, “Jack, the Pumpkin King.”; Donald nodded, arms crossed, and introduced himself; Goofy saluted with his empty hand and remarked with a smile, “A pleasure to meet ya, your highness.”

When she looked to me, she cringed at the gleam of my purple eyes.  Actually, it might have been the position of my eyes that upset her.  They were armed a little lower than her face.  Not liking what she thought I saw, she promptly stepped forward and struck my face with a stinging slap.

The result for me was like waking up from a trance, painfully.  I shook myself the rest of the way awake, the violet draining from my eyes.  I looked to her again once sobered with an apologetic grimace.  “My apologies, princess.  I don’t know what came over me.”

“That would be guy goggles,” explained Genie.  “Spend too much time in only male company, and you’re ogling every girl that steps into your path.”  His eyes extended from his head to illustrate the point.

“Uh, yeah.”  Aladdin fumbled for the right words for Jasmine.  Finally he said, “He’s a good guy and a great fighter.  You should have seen the size of the things he took out.”

“If he’s such a mighty warrior, then what may I address him as?”  She held her arms folded in front of her, obviously still unimpressed.

“My name is Michael,” I answered for Aladdin.  My tone was even, and my temper was under control.  “I apologize for my subconscious actions, but I did not mean what you must have been thinking.  I might be a crude son-of-a-bitch, but I’m not a pervert.  I have a girlfriend already.”  This last point I added quietly to only Aladdin and Jasmine.

“I almost feel sorry for her,” Jasmine huffed.  My apology hadn’t gotten through.

Aladdin cupped his hand beside his mouth so Jasmine wouldn’t hear (but with Abu listening in) and whispered to me, “Royals are hard to shake from their first impressions of people.  I think you might get your chance to correct that foul-up, though.”

He turned from me to Genie and called out, “Genie, I wish for you to take us back to Agrabah!”

“Can do, Al!”  He brought a large stick out of nowhere and led the carpet around to scoop up all of us (and Iago, still dazed).  Little by little, the carpet grew bigger along its linear dimensions until it had all of us caught like dust in a parachute.  The carpet’s corners hoisted into the air and tied around Genie’s stick.  “I heard of carpet baggers, but this is ridiculous.”  I could only guess what he was dressed as.

Curious, I poked my head out of the struggling sardine sack.  Below me, a blue smoke had begun to obscure the scene.  Apparently we were all going for a little ride.  I looked to Genie and was almost forced to cover my eyes in embarrassment.  He was dressed in a hobo’s outfit and singing a few bars in a hillbilly’s out-of-tune voice.  

Homeward bound,
I wish I was homeward bound.
Home, where the heat’s from sunlight;
Home, where you can expect fights;
Home, with the bandits at night silently going…

By the time these final words were sung, we were gone from the cave.